Tuesday, November 25, 2008

You're alone because you don't love yourself!

When it comes to those seeking love, I think the most over-used & generic phrase that everyone seems to delight in throwing out there... is "You have to love yourself first, before anyone else can love you".

WHAT exactly does that mean?

I've heard it for years, I've heard it so much that I'm teetering on the edge of being sheerly convinced that there is some kind of microchip implanted in 99% of society's brains that makes them repeat that insufferable phrase indefinitely.

Of course, it's said in various ways and not always as I've quoted word for word, but you know what I mean, surely.

Honestly, I would like to understand this strange and bizarre concept of needing to love yourself first before anyone else will love you. Who can help me make some sense of it? It has never made any sense to me and I feel as if I'm going to be 80 years old some day and still wondering what in the hell everyone was talking about when they said things like that.

You must LoVVVVVVeeeeee yourself first... Oh well it's no wonder you're alone in life, because you don't love yourself yet... and you need to LoVVVVVEeeeee yourself FIRST before you can ever be happy with anyone... **WHAT?!???!!!*

I don't get it.

And a very close second in the all-time most generic phrases that are too over-used... "When you stop looking for it, it'll happen." Again I say... **WHAT?!???!!!*

While I wouldn't go so far as saying "... it's no wonder you're alone in life, because you don't love yourself yet." I do think there may be something to this and I wonder if it is related to the many people who comment on how it seems that when it is least desired, when they are actually in a happy relationship, often it seems as though they garner more romantic interest.

When looking for a partner it must surely be a good omen if a prospective candidate appears at ease and happy with themselves. Others look in from the outside, surely from there no one can have as deep and full an understanding of an individual's character and nuances than the individual themselves? if then even they seem apparently unhappy with that keen understanding and insight it seems reasonable to assume that one less informed might take that as giving cause for concern.

That is why I do also wonder if, as mentioned above, this idea is linked to those already in a relationship being seen as in possession of some attractive quality - precisely because they are not actively/overtly looking for a partner. For if we take it to extremes even the process of someone is actively looking for a relationship might be off-putting to some, conjuring up negative connotations: Why are they so obviously looking? Are they searching so because no one else seen them as an appropriate choice for a partner? If so, again, why? It seems quite understandable then that there is at least the possibility of a number of negative questions may arise. Not, of course, that this necessarily should be so and/or is correct/desirable, just a consideration.

If though (whatever their situation) an individual walks with an air of personal happiness and contentment there are at worst no apparent negative qualities on show. (I say apparent - we should ignore the argument that they may be completely delusional for the moment). How far one takes that lack of negativity itself is up to the individual, but the argument that further to that the absence of such a negative aspect might actually be interpreted as desirable to the point of being attractive I think quite understandable.

Personally I don't like the phrase 'love yourself' I think it far too bold but I do think it an important consideration here that someone at least be in the position of not openly despising their own company.

'if someone claims to love you but is always yelling at you and belittling you, then they dont really love you.'

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