What's in a Look?

The Ins and Outs of Flirting

Many people have truly no idea what flirting is, much less how to do it effectively.

Truth is, though, in today's busy and crowded world, you often only get a very short time to make an impression on someone- often from a distance- and flirting may be the only chance you get.

Whether it's in a crowded classroom, restaurant, mall, or other gathering place, you constantly have an opportunity to meet new people through subltle flirting.

For the girl, flirting can send a message to the guy from a distance that you're interested, or at least you want to get to know him a little better.

For the guy, flirting with a girl gives you a chance to see her reaction to you. A positive reaction would likely give you the signal to introduce yourself.

Flirting, accomplished effectively, sends the signal that you are a friendly, nice, and fun person, and you may be interested in the other person.

These days, however, it is important to flirt strategically and politely. A persistent, unwelcome flirt can be not only irritating, but downright scary, in the wrong situation.

The key here is drawing the line between looking/glancing versus staring/leering. Accompanied with the look, is the smile. A natural, friendly smile will always do better than the forced, fake one. In fact, the forced smile is often referred to as a 'psycho' smile. No one likes to be looked at like the other person is going to paint a 20 foot mural of you in their basement.


Ok, here's specifics. For either a guy or a girl, a 2-3 second look, with a friendly smile, is usually enough to show interest. Try practicing with a friend, or in the mirror, and you will find three seconds is much longer than two people normally look into each other's eyes, unless they know each other well.

Just as important as the duration of the look, however, is what you do right afterward. You want to give a confident, but not overconfident appearance. Avoid looking at the ceiling (showing arrogance or lack of interest). For girls, looking down right after the glance can send a positive and flirtatious message. For guys, looking back a few seconds later with a smile can go a long way.

If you can, glance her way then return to your conversation or smile. You're sending the message that you are a happy and fun, and not desperate.

Body language during the 'look' can be equally inportant. You want to look relaxed and confident, yet not like you're full of yourself. Guys, don't flex your muscles intentionally, unless you're in the gym. For the girls, fixing your makeup, hair, or other personal appearance detail may just send the message that you're 'high maintenance.' If you want to make sure you look good, check in a mirror before you begin 'the glancing game,'

Remember, if you're not talking to this person face-to-face yet, all they have to go on their impression of you is what they see.