Friday, October 22, 2010
Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together
How long will it be before you can get through your daily routine without feeling the wave of pain sweep over you, without sensing that knot in the pit of your stomach, without dwelling on what went wrong? If these are some of the questions you are asking yourself, you are not alone.
A broken heart can cause such an intense reaction that many of us feel our lives have been completely stripped of meaning. College, fun , hobbies, and friends no longer hold any joy for us. In fact, some even experience physical pain with a tight chest, nervous stomach, or terrible insomnia. Time heals all wounds is what we have all heard over the years, but do you really have to wait for time to heal these wounds? Absolutely not.
You are sitting remembering all the moments you were together .You decide to message. You debate whether to send it or not. You stare and decide to send while your mind tells you to have more respect for yourself. You logically understand that sending the message is not going to make the situation any better – nor will it heal your pain. Therefore you decide to start to live for yourself at least give a try.The scenario above represents one example of a misalignment between your heart and your mind that is a common occurrence. Every decision you make is determined by a combination of your logic and emotion. If these different elements that make you who you are, are not in agreement, you will understandably feel conflicted and make decisions that reflect this conflict.
People may say no one ever died of a broken heart, but when you're suffering from one, it sure doesn't feel that way--at least initially.When relationships go sour, our great loves lost to the confusion of the universe, it's very easy to be caught off guard. Initially we find ourselves blessed with a feeling of freedom, a brand new start, where we can set new rules and reorganize our chaotic lives. A few days may pass as we quietly ignore the itching pain at the back of our mind telling us that something is horribly wrong.
Sadly in time our psyche eventually wonders back to our former love. Our body craves them, our mind wants them back, and a feeling of complete desperation kicks in. For whatever reason, something seems to be missing. We can't necessarily pin point the key attribute that we crave, only that as a package they seemed so unique. How are we to ever live without this person,we think to ourselves.
Once you recognize that getting back together is no longer an option comes the sudden realization that you have some serious mental spring cleaning to do. The problem is, where do you start and where do you put all of this excess emotion. Everyone has their own unique break up procedure. Some may isolate themselves in bed for weeks on end, while others find their comfort in a liquid form or smoke as hard as possible for them. Whatever the case, anything to aid the mission, to keep your mind off the empty hole in your chest.
The argument I want to bring up here is not how to get over someone as quickly as possible but how to get over someone the right way, without resentment and with more understanding. Although this way of thinking is much harder then the quick route, in the end you'll come out of it as a much stronger person. I have found no better inspiration in life then that of one from a broken heart, what better time for getting well acquainted with yourself then that of a time where most of your mental walls are at their weakest.
"To appreciate the highs, one has to understand the ever following lows"
As near impossible as it may seem, you have to dissociate yourself from the situation and try to look at it from a rational point of view. The heart broken tend to over analyze, the good, the bad, and everything in between. Often you can find yourself concentrating on what went wrong, rarely nothing what the other person contributed to end everything. It's easy to individualize everything to make yourself feel like the bad person, but it's definitely a two way street.
Take the proper time out
Make sure you give yourself a proper amount of healing time, otherwise you may be paying for it later. Like walking on a broken leg, your heart needs time to heal as well. Although filling the void with a new person is tempting, it generally leads to disaster.Tell to yourself why to get affected .Live and care for yourself rather than worrying about the whole world
Find a way to express your emotions
Write, draw or doodle, and try find someway to convert your insecurities to something constructive. Writing helps organize the bubbling thoughts in your mind. Arguments and inconsistencies that you'd generally like to harass the people who let you hurt will roam the mental plane until they get a chance to escape in one way or another.
Avoid over analysis
It's going to be tempting to over think everything, but it definitely not recommended.
• Were they lying to me the entire time?
• Will I ever love someone like this again?
• When did they fall out of love with me?"
• When they said they said they would be always there then where did they go?
• Did I impact them, or will I be forgotten?"
No matter what the circumstance, there's always going to be some unanswered questions. The smallest details suddenly seem important, and your mind craves nothing but the truth. You know its is over, but for some reason you want it to be justified. Sadly, lost love doesn't always have a reason, it just happens, and the answer you seek may not exist. Do your best to constructively get your mind off of things.
After you've dealt with most of your mental recovery its time to get your closure. It's different for every person but this is the key moment. Like a flip of the switch, the pain will be greatly relieved. The realization that things will never be the same again, and that your ready to accept it and move on with your life. It's never definite what will set this change reaction off, but it is necessary for your mind to be at peace.
Accepting Your new reality... Without Resentment
The heartbreak is over, and your ready to step out into the world, what now? Your past was full of great memories, experiences, why put negative feelings towards them just because things didn't work out?
"It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all."
One should appreciate love for what it was, not for what it is now, even if it can no longer be. The Lies, deception, and miscommunication around the end should not ruin your interpretation of the time that kept you happy.
Let's hope to be able to look back upon the good memories and feel warm, knowing that they are over and will never be again, but to appreciate them none the less for what they were. When you can remember the old times warmly without pining for them you'll know that you've reached a new level of mental enlightenment.