Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Slow Death Of Your Hopes
It’s so easy for you to break down. Maybe easier than ever. It’s something special yet so heart breaking. Flowing like a river in your veins the pain just tortures you.
Wasting all the moments you live wondering of bittersweet memories, looking for insecure future. Not giving a damn about the present yet having to face all it’s emotions.
You wish for a saviour..but you have to admit that saviours do not exist. Nor do miracles. And It’s even harder to go on without having small illusions as hopes.
You don’t make any sense..you don’t make sense to yourself, how could you make sense to anyone else?
All alone in the nothingness inside, you can’t get out of the misery. You feel like you can’t take the tears
anymore. You want just a little help. But you can’t ask for it. You face everything alone trying too hide or run away from the glittering tears, from the dark paths of loneliness, from the outstanding beauty of fears.
You got to a point. Everything bothers you and everything scares you. You find it hard to go out on the street, you’re afraid of tomorrow’s happenings and mostly of the broken dreams you may try to chase.
You’re world is built up of illusions. And yet you can’t and you don’t even want to stop following them. You’re waiting for a heavenly help..instead you get damn disappointments.
You just want to escape, have a loving arm around you. No you’re not looking for anything special. Just for the feeling of being loved and safe. Which can be so far from you.
You want to wander alone on the dark streets at night. To let your tears out as the stars shine on your cracked face. The Moon guides you and the stars comfort you. Without a sound they give you some peace. Maybe just because human power or human emotions can’t harm them. They are safe.
You wish you could stay on one of them. Looking down from above watching the never ending play in front of your eyes. Rushing people, led by emotions, instincts , false believes.
The only way out which you see is hiding yourself or running away. You wish you jumped on the first train and went as far as possible from this pain, from the stunning brightness of your inner damage.
But you never did , and you’re not at all patient . You want this to end.
No one understands you, and there is no one to whom to turn to. Nothing is possible but everything can get broken in seconds of time.
Wondering why you can control your life is so depressing. Depressing thoughts, emotions, feelings, dreams...and nothing certain.
You want to feel love, pure and innocent love. The care and the affection. That someone wants you. Someone is close to you whenever you need. You want to be selfish and finally get someone who actually gives a damn about you and it’s willing to finally pass out from the row of those who just take advantage of you.
Pain can be so easy. Breaking down easier. Pain is like a drug. Is its way of being. It guides you all the way through. Makes you want more of it. Wants you have more tears. Makes you human. And actually you feel like belonging near pain. There is no other way. You just feel thankful for having a place in life. Pain is your all time friend. Brought you a lot more friends...such as loneliness, depression, insecurity, fears, anxiety and so on. All of a baggage.
Your confusion is so hard to take. Crawling in the middle of nowhere...looking at streets, places like you never saw them..actually you saw them thousands of times.
Someone should save you my dear. You don’t stop praying yet you get no answer. You just want to finally experience how is to have as your friend Happiness...
Tears and tears running but how much time do they have ?